← All six pages

Why I don't know is a brilliant answer

If somebody might be reacting right now, don't wait for me — call your local emergency number. Open the emergency screen

Hedged reassurance is the most dangerous thing anybody says to an allergic family, and the person saying it is almost always being kind.

Who is reading?

Same page, two ways of saying it. The kids' version is shorter and Ezzie tells it — but nothing frightening has been taken out, because leaving it out is how a child ends up surprised by it.

Before you read on

This is general education, not medical advice and not a medical device. It cannot tell you what anyone is allergic to, what is happening to them, or what to do about it — that is between them and their own doctor.

Hello again. This is my favourite page, so I'm going to say it loudly.

When somebody with an allergy asks whether a food is alright for them, the worst possible answer is a wobbly one. A wobbly answer sounds like a yes but is really a shrug wearing a smile.

A no is brilliant. A no means the person asking knows exactly where they stand, and can go and find something else, and nobody has to guess about anything.

A no is a brilliant answer. It still isn't a magic spell — grown-ups can be sure and still be wrong, which is why the asking carries on.

That's the whole rule, and it's the one thing I'd like you to remember: A NO is okay — a MAYBE is not.

Grown-ups say wobbly things because they want to be nice. Saying I don't know feels like getting something wrong. It isn't. It's the most helpful sentence in the entire restaurant.

So if somebody asks whether a food has nuts in it and you genuinely don't know, say exactly that. I don't know is a brilliant answer. I say it constantly and I have never once regretted it.

And if you're the one with the allergy: asking twice isn't rude. My gills are frilly and I ask three times.

One last thing. I can tell you how to answer. I can't tell you whether a food is alright for somebody — nobody can do that from a page. That's for them and their doctor.

A NO is okay — a MAYBE is not.

I have no eyebrows at all and I still manage to look completely unconvinced. You'll manage it too.

Questions this page raises

Ezzie will have a go at any of these.

Ask Ezzie about this →